I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
