We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
