What did we do last night that was yellow?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
