Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
