Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
