dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
