haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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