Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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