twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
you are never too drunk for berry picking
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
