i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
