Just fell off a train. Bad.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
