i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I need to align my fucking chakras
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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