Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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