Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
