Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
