Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
