Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
