Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
