Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I will be naked everywhere
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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