I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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