How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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