the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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