But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
