would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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