The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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