i just had sex bonerless
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
