Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
