o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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