can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
