____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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