haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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