I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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