in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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