Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
