when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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