On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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