I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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