i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
