we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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