Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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