epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
