Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
