??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
