You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
barbara walters just said penis...
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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