I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
