dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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