you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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