he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
