i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
