I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
