Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
